


A Salted Wound

by Munkieznmoar



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: F/M, M/M, Twincest, pumba, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-22 19:50:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10703922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Munkieznmoar/pseuds/Munkieznmoar
Summary: A day at the beach leads to quiet introspection for Bill.





	A Salted Wound

**Author's Note:**

> I first posted this on THF.

It was a charming picture, the epitome of a playful and heartfelt romance. A pair of legs lay on a beach, entwined within each other. One pair of legs were long, lean and strong with a light dusting of dark hair and large yet finely boned feet. The other pair smaller, smoother and feminine with feet decidedly smaller topped with daintily painted toenails. Soft beach sand lightly coated their feet. A small pedicured foot shifted and settled to rest on her masculine companion.

It was a beautiful morning. It was already warm, and despite the cool breeze from the ocean, the salty sea air was humid with the promise of another hot day to come later. Clear skies hung overhead; the small scattering of murky clouds that had begun to dissipate with the rising sun dispersed quickly.

Touring the sandy line of the beach was a tall young man. Strands of thick blond hair tossed about in the cool ocean breeze. He needed a haircut. He pushed his hair back and placed a baseball cap over the tousled mop. An exuberant bulldog tugged at the leash held in the young man’s hand. He paid no notice to the puppy, instead focusing on the young couple cuddling close to the surf. They were a striking couple, the both of them sporting thick dark hair and long limbs, but that was where the similarities ended. The young woman was petite and curvy. She had soft features that brought out her bright and sweet smile. Her companion was tall, young and strong with a slender build. His dark hair was pulled up into a messy man-bun and a thick beard covered his handsome face. The beard did not, however, hide his confident and lazy smile.

They truly were a striking couple.

The young man with the dog watched as the young woman tucked an errant strand of hair that the wind had pushed out of the man’s bun. They laughed as the salty spray of a large wave showered them with sparkling drops of cool seawater. He smiled and leaned forward to place a quick peck upon her lips. She smiled and returned the kiss. As the couple began to engage into a more thorough kiss, the young man with the dog turned away. He felt a familiar ache grow inside his chest. He looked instead, at the gathering of nearby apartments and condominiums lining the shore. Sunlight reflecting from the windows created a rainbow colored glare of colors that merged with the reflection of blue sky on the waves of the ocean.

The young man closed his eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling the pleasant scent of the sea. The sound of the waves colliding on the shore helped to creating a soothing balm for his mind. He opened his eyes and looked out onto the water. The wavelength of light was truly stunning, and for a moment, it seemed like he could almost dive into the colors. He took another breath and released it with a heavy sigh. He returned his attention to the puppy now climbing on his legs. The puppy looked at him and gave a playful bark. He crouched down and gave the puppy a well deserved scratch underneath his chin and waved an elegant and tattooed hand over the puppy’s flank. When he rose, he lightly tugged at the leash and coaxed the puppy into a trot. Together, they left the peaceful shore and headed towards the quiet beach town.

They sauntered down the concrete sidewalk on the still quiet street. Few people were out and about. Women out for a morning jog, couples walking their dogs and people entering and exiting a coffee ship were the only ones populating the streets. It was too early for the popular stores and restaurants to open, and he appreciated the silence. He passed by expensive boutiques and salons; an Italian restaurant boasting its claim to make the world’s best pizza pie.

The city passed by in a blur of colors and sounds of a sleepy town rising to greet the day.

He had no concept of time and despite the serenity of the town, his mind was racing. He could not get the picture of the couple on the beach out of his mind. They looked so happy together. His stomach clenched as he remembered the light of the woman’s smile, the gentle way the man ran his fingers through her hair. He thought about the looks the man gave the young woman, the open and genuine smiles, his eyes alight with mirth. He thought about the freely given affection shifting between the two of them, and he felt his chest tighten. He stopped suddenly when he realized that the dog was no longer trotting beside him, instead he was sprawled out on the sidewalk panting heavily and looking at his master with tired, sad eyes. He looked down at his Rolex watch and realized that they had been walking around for over two hours.

The young man made a noise of concern and bent down to collect the growing bulldog in his arms. He cooed and fawned over him, dropping kisses on his soft head as he walked to a nearby bench and set the puppy beside him. He winced as the sunlight caught in his eyes through the protection of his aviators. The temperature was rising and the heat was moving into an uncomfortable range. He shrugged off a black backpack from his thin shoulders, along with the red flannel shirt he wore over a white beater. He reached inside to remove a small bowl and bottle of water. The puppy lifted his head at the sound of water being poured into the bowl and shifted to greedily slurp at the water inside. The young man snorted and smirked at the puppy’s enthusiasm and lifted the bottle of water to his own lips to take a large sip. He surveyed his surroundings with a casual appraisal. Sunlight shined gently through the leaves of the oak tree behind him. The light cast his profile in light and shadow. Now that he had removed his flannel shirt, he found that it was much cooler underneath the tree.

He sipped his water and listened to the squalling seagulls and terns flying overhead at the nearby beach. Chickadees twittered in the branches above him. More and more people were walking about the streets. He watched the storekeepers set up displays outside the large windows in front of their stores. He watched the people going about their day and wondered what was going on in their lives and in their minds. Were they happy? Did they have someone to love? Did they have a purpose to follow in their lives?

He shifted his gaze to the bulldog, now sprawled comfortably on the bench. His chubby legs were splayed out and his teeth jutted out from his bulldog overbite. Snorts and snores emanated from the puppy’s flat nose and the young man chuckled and cooed at the adorable sight. He reached into his jeans pocket to remove his phone and snap a quick picture. The dog woke at the sound of the shutter and gave a look of confusion to his master. The dog snuffled happily when the young man began to pet down his back and scratch behind his ears. He muttered nonsensical words to the puppy, laughing when the dog launched towards him to attack his face with licks. His phone vibrated and he opened the screen to read the text message he received. With a sigh, he gently pushed the puppy aside and collected his belongings to return them to his backpack. He stood, and with a whistle, the puppy jumped from the bench to follow the young man for their short walk back to the car.

As he walked towards his nearby SUV, he glanced at another couple walking together. Two men, one with his arm draped over the other’s shoulder while the man underneath his arm laughed at something the other man had said. The young man watched them, a familiar ache gathering in his chest. His eyes, hidden behind his expensive aviators grew soft at the sight of their open affection for each other. He watched as taller man lowered his head to press a kiss to the top of the shorter man’s head, and he had to turn away. He took a deep breath, the salty scent of the nearby sea filling his lungs. He released it and resumed his walk to the car. When he arrived, the motor was running smoothly and a familiar form was perched in the driver’s seat. He walked behind the SUV and opened the hatchback of the trunk. He gathered the puppy into his arms and ushered him into the back along with his backpack. After securing the door, he walked to the passenger door, opened it and climbed inside. The cabin was cool, a nice respite from the oppressive heat and he smiled at the occupant. The young man from the beach smiled back.

“Hey Bill,” he greeted. “Did you and Pumba have a nice walk?” he asked.

The blond man nodded as he reached to pull on his seatbelt. “Yeah, it’s beautiful out. We walked for a long time. I wore Pumba out,” he gestured to the sleeping puppy in the back with a grin.

The dark-haired man smirked. “It’s good for him. He’s getting chubby,” he remarked. “His papa has been feeding him too many treats,” he joked.

Bill put out an affronted look. “Tom!” he cried, “Don’t you call my baby chubby, he’s still a puppy and he’s a bulldog. They’re naturally husky,” he informed, pouting in defense of his dog.

The brunet laughed and put the car in gear. They pulled out of the lot and onto the street. Bill watched as the sunlight glinted off the other’s aviators. His heart began to beat in rapid pulses. His stomach churned and the twinge in his chest returned. He reached over to turn off the air-conditioning and rolled down his window. They made a turnoff from the town and onto the highway. They were drove by the shore and the salt-spray of the ocean provided a comforting chill. He breathed and relaxed.

“I love that smell,” he murmured. Tom hummed in agreement. He rolled down his window and gave a small sigh over the feel of the wind. Bill removed his cap. The wind tousled his hair, and he noticed that his companion’s hair had fallen loose again. He reached over to tuck the flyaway strands behind his ear.

“Thanks,” Tom smiled in gratitude. They drove in an easy silence, relaxing at the sound of the sea crashing upon the surf. Bill took in the colors of the water. White waves cresting against multicolored rocks, the tide rising and falling on golden sand. The color of the water shifted from blue to green to gray, and then back again. He thought he saw the spray of a whale blowing air from its blowhole. He loved the ocean. He shut his eyes and the sounds of the water slowly let him drift off to sleep.

“Ria said to tell you hello.”

Bill awoke and lifted his head at the statement. He turned his head back towards the window to hide the grimace on his face. Ria was staying with a friend in Malibu. Bill wanted to go to the beach, so Tom decided to kill two birds with one stone. They drove out to Malibu. He got to see his girlfriend, and Bill got to go to the beach and browse the boutiques.

“How is she?” he asked politely. He liked Ria, but he was torn between feelings of affinity and jealousy. He didn’t begrudge the relationship between the two, but it didn’t stop the feelings of loneliness. He removed his aviators and massaged the bridge of his nose. He replaced them and resumed his staring out the window. Next to him, Tom began to speak about his girlfriend and her well-being, but Bill couldn’t hear his words. His mind began to wander back to scene on the beach. He could see the two of them, curled together in a warm embrace. He saw the way Tom caressed her face, the way he leaned in to sweetly kiss her.

He thought about it, and remembered the feel of those same lips on his. That that sweet kiss used to belong to him. It wasn’t so long ago that that he was wrapped in that same embrace; Tom’s strong arms around him, his mouth covering his, his tongue drawing patterns over his skin, following the lines of his tattoos. He could still feel Tom’s body moving over him as they moved together to reach a state of ecstasy, and his bright brown eyes staring at him and him alone, Bill’s identical eyes staring back. He could still feel those sturdy calloused hands on his skin, running through his hair, cradling his face, gazing at him with adoration.

He replaced the aviators on his face, feeling the need to hide behind something. Bill wanted to reach out and take the hand grasping the gearstick and hold it in his own. He wanted to stop the car so he could reach over and kiss those pierced lips one more time, to feel the sting of Tom’s scratchy beard on his face. He wanted to say, ‘I miss you.’ Instead, he looked out the window and watched the ocean. He could feel the hot sting of tears rise in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He was thankful for the aviators perched above his nose, hiding the disheartened look in his eyes. He tried not to be so maudlin, but he was failing. The dark-haired man noticed the shift in his mood and removed his sunglasses to peer at him with concern.

“Bill,” he asked, “Are you ok?”

The blond turned his head towards his brother. He was afraid to speak; he was afraid that he would open his mouth and confess everything. Instead, he simply nodded. He took a moment to gather his courage and spoke.

“Yeah, Tom,” he replied. “I’m ok.”

“You sure?” Tom asked skeptically. He could always tell when his brother was upset about something. It wasn’t usual for Bill to become so sullen, especially after spending a day out on the beach.

Bill gave him a sweet smile. “Yeah,” he replied. “I’m just tired. You know, being out in the sun and the fresh air, walking around, sea air, you know how it is. I just need a nap. And some lunch. I thought we were going to stop somewhere or have lunch with Ria?” he asked.

“Ria had plans with her girlfriend. And the groomer’s called. Tobi is ready,” Tom said, referring to his German short-haired pointer that he had named after their former bodyguard.

“Ah,” Bill replied with a smile. Tom was as attached to his dog as much as Bill was to Pumba.

“I’m tired too,” he said, resuming their conversation. He gave Bill a roguish grin. Bill sighed in disgust. He knew what that grin meant.

“Ugh, Tom. Can you not. I don’t even want to hear it. Can’t you at least respect your girlfriend enough not to say dirty things about her when she’s not here?” He shook his head at Tom’s antics.

“Aw, Bill, you know I’m just kidding,” he reassured. His eyes twinkled with mischief as he teased his twin. Bill rolled his eyes and returned to his view out the window. They fell into silence again. Bill gave the outward impression that he was fine. Internally, he was writhing. It still hurt to think about Tom and Ria being intimate. He didn’t think that the hurt would ever go away. He thought about the promises he and Tom made in the dark, lying in bed, promising to be always be together. Logically, he knew that they would eventually part. It was difficult to carry on a relationship that needed to be hidden. He knew that they would meet new people, people that they could have relationships with that would never need to be hidden in shadow. He knew that Tom still loved him; he never questioned that he would always come first with Tom’s love, but he also knew that Tom truly cared about Ria. He only wanted Tom to be happy, and if Tom could find happiness with someone else, he would not discourage him. They ended their intimate relationship amicably. Tom seemed to get over it easier, and while Bill mourned the end of the relationship privately, he was hopeful that in time the pain would relent.

He never thought that he would be wrong. When Tom met Ria, Bill chose to put on affable face, and he made an effort to genuinely get to know her. He found that she was charming, kind and honest. It was easy to like her. That’s what made the pain worse. Like a wound that would fester and never heal.

Bill had met people; men and women that he dated discreetly. He had been intimate with a few of them, he even had a few short relationships but none of them had worked out. He tried to convince himself it was because he hadn’t met the Right One, but he knew it was a lie; he was born with the right one.

He took off his sunglasses to rub at his eyes. Without meaning to, he let out a small sigh. Tom immediately heard it and went on the offensive.

“Honestly Bill, what is wrong? Tell me the truth.” He gave Bill hard look, and softened when he saw Bill lower his head.

“Bill,” he said softly. “Bill, I can’t help if you won’t tell me what’s wrong.” He reached with his right hand for Bill’s left and grasped it firmly. Bill reigned in the reflex to jump at the physical contact. He gave him a tired smile and squeezed back, his eyes drifting to their twin tattoo, concentrating on the colors and the number of the time of Tom’s birth.

“Honestly,” he lied. “I’m just tired.” He sighed and continued. “I’m trying to take advantage of this break before the Russia tour, and I still have a lot on my mind,” he promised. That part was true enough, but it was not what he really wanted to say.

Again, Tom nodded in acceptance. He didn’t buy that that was the only problem, but it was all that Bill wanted to share. He decided to back off and let Bill tell him in his own time.

A few moments passed in silence. Pumba still snored in the back and the waves still crashed outside.

“It’s just that,” Bill started, and Tom listened raptly. “…it’s just that,” He couldn’t, he wouldn’t let it out.

“It’s just what Billy?”

Bill smiled at the nickname. The words were trapped in his throat and he’d be damned before he let them out. He turned his head to look at Tom. He replaced his sunglasses because he knew that if Tom looked into his eyes, he would figure it out. His eyes fell on the bracelet on Tom’s right wrist. Ria had given it to him. He shook his head and removed his hand from Tom’s.

“It’s ok. It’s nothing important. I’m being ridiculous. I really am tired,” he affirmed. He reached over to turn on the radio. Tom gave him one last look before turning his eyes back to the road. The car meandered down the highway. They were pulling away from the shore, heading southeast toward their home in the Hollywood Hills. Bill took another deep breath of the fading saline smell of the sea.

‘It’s just that, you broke me apart,’ he thought.

On his right, the sea disappeared.


End file.
